


Yuanfen

by Fweeble



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Reincarnation, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-18
Updated: 2013-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-25 22:38:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/643702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fweeble/pseuds/Fweeble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe the next time won’t be more of the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yuanfen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [heartslogos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartslogos/gifts).



> Birthday fic for my sweet daughter, Hearts. I'm a horrible papa who gifts angst, specifically OTP angst.

_Yuanfen…  
  
…the Buddhist belief that, after meeting someone one thousand times in previous lives, he or she will be a significant person in the next life.   
  
If so… Then… if not in this life, then perhaps in the next one…  
  
Maybe next time, you and I will look at each other differently. Next time, maybe we’ll be something other than just this.   
_  
—  
  
Tim doesn’t really believe in past lives and reincarnation. Why bother with the dubious possibility of past lives when he’s alive now? There are more important, valuable things that deserve his attention than improbable possibilities.   
  
Still…  
  
The idea that the people precious to him are tied to him, that there is an invisible string of “fate” that brought everyone important and treasured; Bruce, Dick, Kon, Bart, Steph…  
  
It isn’t romanticism that makes the idea that he was meant to meet them, that he was meant to love them, fall in love with them –none of it makes it seem appealing.   
  
Predestiny –the thought rankles something that Tim doesn’t really care to examine.  
  
Maybe it’s unwanted comfort that Tim gets from it.  
  
They’re in his life because, even after countless lifetimes, they choose to appear in it again instead of turning the other way.  
  
Sometimes it’s easier not to dwell on it.  
  
—  
 _  
How many lifetimes has it taken for us to get this far?  
  
Thirty-three, eighty-seven, one hundred and fifteen, four hundred and sixty –one thousand?  
  
How many more tries do we get, how many more times until we meet in a way other than this?  
  
_ —  
  
Exactly how many lifetimes does it take to accumulate the ire Jason feels for him?  
  
Tim isn’t sure, but more than a dozen, surely.   
  
When did things change?  
  
The days he spent chasing after Dick, Robin, have been replaced, superseded by his desire to follow Jason.  
  
The scar, it itches.  
  
The wound has healed over long ago, scabbed and fallen away to reveal new, shiny skin.  
  
It itches.  
  
—  
  
 _If this is the last chance, I wish that it isn’t. I haven’t been able to accomplish all that I wanted; I haven’t grasped everything I chased after.  
  
After all these years, I think I finally realize…  
  
Everything I have yearned for was held in your hand._  
  
—  
  
The helmet has always been ridiculous, the red metal irritating, to Tim’s eyes.  
  
He doesn’t really know how things ended like this, a scene from a Hollywood movie.  
  
Rain, there is so much rain. Water and blood, so cold.   
  
Red.   
  
Red like Jason’s helmet and Jason’s rimmed eyes.  
  
Tim doesn’t know.  
  
He doesn’t know why his body moved when it did or why he feels warmth and peace creeping up, banishing the chill of Gotham rain and tears.  
  
Peace in death, he supposes.  
  
  
—  
  
 _Is it ridiculous of me to be wishing…_

_…that with this, I have paid back my debts and that…_

_…next time, our yuan will let us try a different way._

  
  


_To prescribe to a concept I don’t believe…_

_…I guess this is what we call the hubris of man…_

  
  
Still…  
  
I hope that the next time we meet, there will be kisses and a warm embrace.  
  
—

  
_“Hey, Jason. I think I finally understand._   
  
_I love you._   
  
_Next time, do you think we’ll get this right?”_


End file.
